 |
"Sorry to be that person, but when I was on my mission...."
Dude. Stop that. Stop apologizing.
We don't want those who haven't served missions (especially those who want to but can't for one reason or another), or those who had to return early for some reason to feel bad. And that's great! We don't want anyone to feel bad. But that means that we should also not feel bad for having served.
Bear with me, I promise I'm not an insensitive jerk.
This has been bothering me a lot for some reason. I am a returned missionary, but that doesn't mean that I look down on those who haven't served. My best friend married a man who didn't serve a mission, and he's fantastic! I have a brother who couldn't serve a full-time mission for health reasons but is a strong, active member and member missionary. I know people who returned early from their missions for health reasons (physical and mental health). I also know girls that really wanted to serve full-time, but felt that Heavenly Father had different plans for them when they prayed about it.
All of these people are incredible, strong, active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and that's what matters.
None of them should be discriminated against because they didn't (or couldn't) serve or because they didn't serve the full 18 months or two years.
But those of us who have served missions shouldn't be treated any differently either.
Every single person is in a different place. We all come from different circumstances, health situations, and places on the path to conversion. And that is okay. What is important is that we are all doing our best to serve the Lord in the best way that WE can. His plan for each of us is very different, and He knows exactly how to best use each of our talents and experiences to further His work. That's what really matters.
I needed to serve a mission for lots of reasons. But it took me a stupid long time to get the medical clearance that I needed in order to go. And I'm not going to lie, I was absolutely bitter about it. I was happy for my friends that were getting their mission calls, leaving for the MTC, and working out in the field, but I was also extremely jealous that I wasn't one of them. But that didn't mean that I wanted my friends to feel badly for serving. That didn't mean that I wanted them to dance around the subject of their missions because they didn't want me to feel bad that I hadn't gone on mine yet.
I had to wait to go. I may not ever fully understand why, I have my ideas, but I don't really know. But I do know that it was absolutely for a reason. I also know that I personally was absolutely, positively supposed to serve a full-time mission. A full-time mission was part of Heavenly Father's personalized plan for my particular life, so I served. And I will be forever grateful that I did. My mission changed my life in the best ways and helped shape me into the woman that I am today. I could never deny that I was supposed to serve and I will never forget everything that serving a mission did for me.
But not everyone is called to serve full-time. Some are called to stay and support their own ward, or stay and get married, or stay and fill-in-the-blank. And that is amazing! What is vital is that each and every person strives to serve the Lord in the way that He needs them to serve.
Some people learn important lessons in their lives through NOT being able to serve full-time. Lessons that help them to better serve the Lord in their own unique way.
Don't get me wrong, I am definitely a firm believer that every worthy male is called to serve a mission. It is a mandate from Heavenly Father. So yes, I believe that every young man should have the goal of serving a mission and do all that they can to get out on one. But I also believe that Heavenly Father tailors His calls to us according to both our needs and our abilities. So if a young man doesn't serve a mission because he medically cannot, that doesn't make him a sinner, or broken, or anything. It simply means that Heavenly Father has something else in mind for him to do. Something just as worthwhile and significant.
For young women, I would also encourage every single one to serve a mission. Serving a mission is the best decision I've ever made. There is so much to learn and become.
With that being said, I encourage every single young woman to serve a mission if it is right for them. Again, Heavenly Father might have a different part of His vineyard that He needs you to tend. I have wonderful girl friends who I know would make fantastic missionaries, but have felt when they've prayed about serving that Heavenly Father has something else in mind for them. And I fully support their decision not to serve. Heavenly Father knows what they are capable of much better than I do!
There is so much work to do in all aspects of life, and thankfully God knows exactly where each of us will be of the most use. So yes, they would be fantastic missionaries. They are not feeling like they shouldn't serve because they aren't capable or because they wouldn't help people. They are feeling like they shouldn't serve because they feel like they are needed elsewhere. They are called to their own work in another portion of the Lord's vineyard.
I have a friend who was determined that she would serve a mission. The age change announcement came out and she was so pumped! But as she prayed about it, the answer that came to her was that she wasn't supposed to serve. She didn't like that, so continued to plan on serving. The Spirit won out eventually and she resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't meant to serve a mission as a young adult. Instead, she ended up doing amazing work with children in Romania and then getting married. All within the time that she would have been serving a mission if she had gone. Her call to serve the Lord didn't start with "Sister _______," but it was no less a mandate from God to her to serve His children.
We have this huge problem in our oh-so-lovely "Mormon culture" where everyone seems to have to feel guilty all the time. Godly sorrow for sin is important. But feeling guilty when you haven't done anything wrong is both unnecessary and a tactic of the devil.
I talked to a friend that came home early from his mission for surgery. He felt like he would never get married because he came home early. He's grown up with the stigma that not only will a righteous young woman not consider you as a potential spouse if you haven't served a mission, but also that they won't consider you if you went home early, served a service mission instead of a proselyting mission, or served in your own home state for one reason or another.
Unfortunately, his fears are not unfounded.
Why do we judge each other so harshly when it comes to missionary service? What does it really matter if someone served in their own state? Or had to (honorably!) come home early? Or whether they served stateside or foreign? Or learned a language? Or was a zone leader or sister training leader? Or had 50 baptisms?
IT DOES NOT.
It's doesn't matter. What matters is that we are doing our best to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He needs us to serve Him under.
The problem is that we look at missionary service as a badge of honor. But it really isn't. A returned missionary who doesn't keep up the gospel standards is not better than a non-RM who does just because the former served a mission. Serving a mission doesn't make you more loved by Heavenly Father and being an RM doesn't mean that you're even a very good person for goodness' sake!
My best friend has been married to an amazing man for a little over two years now. He did not serve a mission, but is an incredibly faithful and loving husband and righteous priesthood holder. I was engaged to a return missionary who was not faithful or truly loving and who ended up not being a righteous, worthy priesthood holder.
The thing is, a person's worth is not determined by whether they served a mission or not. Every single person's worth is inherent because we are children of God. A person's worthiness is also not determined by whether they served a mission or not. It is determined by how they are currently living. Their conversion is not measured by whether- or how long -they served. It is measured by their faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and how that faith influences the way that they live. Right now, in this moment.
This is so important to understand because, yes, many have not served missions because they were unworthy to do so. But even if that is the case, their worthiness does not hang on their not serving a mission. It hangs on what they have done with their lives since. Did they straighten up? Have they been striving to come closer to the Lord? Do they seek His will and strive to keep His commandments?
Nowhere in the temple recommend interview questions does it ask if you've served a mission. Do you want to know why? Because it's irrelevant. Heavenly Father is much more interested in what you are doing with your life right now, in this moment, than He is on where you were when you were 18-25 years old.
Every single member is a missionary. We each serve the Lord according to our own capacities. We are each given different strengths for a reason. We are not all meant to do the exact same thing. Heavenly Father uses us in the way that He knows we can best be used in this great work. And so saying "When I was on my mission" at the beginning of a story should not be frowned upon any more than "When I was in high school" or "When I was a nursery/Young Women's/Elder's Quorum leader."
Of course returned missionaries are going to have stories from their missions. But my friend who was told no by the Lord has stories from Romania that I don't. And the kid in my ward that ended up serving a service mission has stories from his experiences that I don't. And my friends who have returned early from their missions have stories from theirs that I don't. And we ALL have different stories from different significant stages and places in our lives. And that's fantastic!
So can we please stop making non-RM's feel bad for not serving a mission (no matter the reason) and can we please stop making RM's feel insensitive for telling stories from a super influential 18 months to 2 years of their lives and can we please stop making each other feel bad if we are what the other one is not?
Can we agree to do our best to do our part in this great work of salvation and to leave the decision of what is best for each individual up to God? Because Heavenly Father can and will use every single willing heart that comes before Him and asks to be used as an instrument in His hands. And HE knows what kind of instrument He needs us to be and where we will be of the most use. And that's all that should really matter to anyone.
I am much less concerned with whether you have served a mission as I am whether you are currently serving a mission. Because everyone is a missionary. Everyone is commissioned to share the gospel and serve the Lord. We are each given an individual, sacred commission to be a part of this great work and to help Heavenly Father to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) Every single day we are called upon to lift others. Are we answering that call? Because that is really all that matters. It doesn't matter where we are "called to serve" in this work, it only matters that we do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment