Power of the One

Something that's funny about being a victim of abuse and felony is that I know that my ex never wanted to intentionally hurt me. It's funny to me because in a few simple acts, he hurt me in ways that he never could have imagined. Ways that still hurt over a year later. Ways that keep hurting more and more every single day.

He couldn't have known that his actions would cause me to have crippling anxiety. Or that he would set my IBS off so badly that I would lose my job. Or that he would make "liking" people really hard for me.

I almost started crying today when I went to the Lost and Found yet again to ask about my water bottle that I lost about a month ago and they actually had it this time. I think that the girl that handed it to me was really confused as to why I was so excited to get it back, but I literally can't afford to buy a new one, so losing it has actually been a really big deal for me.

I can't even afford a reusable water bottle, or new headphones, or a new exercise shirt, because one man did some things over a year ago that is still effecting my financial stability.

My ex had no idea the kind of power that a single individual can have on a person. Or on a family. Or community.

I feel like we, as human beings, tend to underestimate the power that we wield every day.

I don't know about you, but when I look in the mirror, I don't see someone mighty. I don't see myself as someone who can and has changed lives. I don't see a person that makes a difference in anyone's life. But I do.

And I see people every single day that have had a significant impact on my life. And I doubt that they really understand that they have the power to change my life, let alone that they have used it.

This idea of not realizing the power that we each hold as individuals is actually kind of scary to me.

Think about it. It only takes one person to cause panic about gun control. One person who decides to shoot up a school, or a movie theater, or a concert.

It only takes one person taking their religion to an extreme to turn hundreds of people against every single other person of their faith.

It only took one person to shatter a young woman's heart. And with it her self-confidence, trust in love, physical and mental health, financial situation, sleeping patterns, etc.

The amount of damage that a single person can cause is terrifying.

And we see individuals use this power that they have to destroy things almost every day in the news.

But here's the wonderful thing: the power of the one can also create, build, and uplift.

Sometimes this power is made manifest in big, obvious ways like when someone is passionate about a cause and works to make a huge difference. You know, the people that have founded non-profits and built orphanages. Or that person that makes a club, which becomes a society, which becomes a huge organization.

But more often than not, the power is used in small ways that we're not even fully aware of. It's found in the roommate that stays up late to talk to you when you're sad. Or the friend that is always down to give you a ride to the doctor, or counseling, or Walmart, or literally anywhere.

It's found in that person that says just the right thing to you to help you keep fighting through the day. And the sibling that comes over in the early hours of the morning to help you to calm down from a 20-minute anxiety attack.

Or even smaller than that.

This power is seen being used to make your roommate's bed because you know that they have an early start the next day but fell asleep on the couch because she didn't want to fix her sheets for the umpteenth time.

One person holds the power to change lives in big ways, but also in small, everyday ways. Both make a significant impact on the people around them though, whether they realize it or not.

With a few bad decisions, my ex-fiance quite thoroughly turned my life upside down and backwards. He hurt me so deeply and in so many ways.

Over a year later, I'm still struggling to keep from being sick for longer than a few days because my immune system is way down from all of the anxiety and depression that I've been fighting. And I'm watching my bank account dwindle down to nothing because I still don't have a job and haven't been able to get one because I've been sick for about 90% of this semester.

Because of one single young man, I am terrified every day when I think about the future because I have over $1300 in bills to pay and less than $80 to pay them with. And if I can't pay off my school expenses, then I can't register for classes for next semester, which means no financial aid. It would also probably mean that I would have to un-enroll from school because I don't think that they'd let me defer another semester since I had to defer last semester because of my health.

Because of one individual, I know what my roommates are feeling as they fall in love and prepare to get married, but can't remember those feelings without also feeling despair and fear that I'll never feel all of those wonderful feelings ever again. (Obviously I know that I will someday, but that doesn't stop me from feeling miserable and afraid because I want to have a person again but have so many doubts and fears about dating).

One person that did a few things over a year ago is still effecting my life every single day in a crippling way.

BUT.

There are also SO many individuals that are responsible for keeping me going every single day as well.

Every single prayer that you say for me is heard and answered in blessings poured down on me.
Every single invitation to hang out reminds me that I'm loved and wanted.
Every ride given helps me to do things that I have a really hard time finding the courage/motivation to go out and do.
Every second spent playing games with me gives me validation that I'm worth spending time with. Every inspirational picture on Facebook that you post bolsters my determination to keep going every day.
And every funny one reminds me that I can still smile and laugh, even when I sometimes feel like I'm going to be smothered by my circumstances.

Because of so many individuals just like you, I am able to keep trusting that things really will work out for me, even if I see zero ways that it can.

Do not ever underestimate the power that you have inside of you. Not for one second.

You do make a difference. You are filled to the brim with potential.

Every single person that exists has the power to change lives for good or ill. Don't take that power lightly. But also be assured that you have probably helped far more people than you know.

You are loved and admired and praised by people that you are not even aware of because of acts that you don't even remember.

The power that one single person holds is immeasurable. You have it and you use it every single day.

To quote myself from a couple of years ago:

When you remember that God NEVER makes mistakes,

remember that He made YOU. And you are no exception.

You are a child of God with infinite potential. Don't you ever forget that. And on days where you feel useless and like you don't make a difference at all, remember what I'm telling you right now. You can and you have. There is not a single person on earth that is unimportant and un-influential. You are not the exception to that. I promise you that you are not. And on those crummy days, remember that if nothing else, you have probably helped this young woman that feels lost and scared to keep on going for one more day.

And I thank you for that.