One Light at a Time

The Light the World campaign of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is underway as of today as it is now December. For those who don't know what that is, you can see what it's all about here.

At the beginning of this semester, my choir director announced that the Men's and Women's choir of Brigham Young University Idaho (so my choir) has partnered with the Light the World campaign this year. I was SO excited! I freaking love service so much. It's one of my absolute favorite things. And honestly, I've had a really hard time this year because I feel like I haven't been able to serve nearly as much as I usually would because of the excruciating circumstances that I've been in this year. So I was doubly excited to have a chance to kind of catch up on serving others.

I was quick to volunteer when she started gathering choir members to help spearhead the initiative and was put in charge of coordinating service for those with special needs. I helped set up a couple of weekly service opportunities as well as some big events. I was SUPER excited to spend the semester serving others.

And then I got sick. Really sick. And all of a sudden, I couldn't even make it to choir, let alone to any service activities. I didn't get to go to a single one of the activities that I myself had coordinated. After a month or so of being borderline dying (I may be exaggerating just a smidge), I finally was able to make it to a service opportunity at a nursing home, and then last week I was able to help out at the food pantry.

And while I'm glad that I was finally able to help out with those two at least, I honestly have spent most of the semester feeling completely awful. In choir, everyone has been talking about the awesome service that the choir has been providing. And I have just sunk lower and lower in my seat, feeling guilty that I haven't been a part of it.

One day in choir, one of our awesome choir members stood up and recited a poem that she had written about the efforts that the choir has made over the past couple of months.

I sobbed.

I felt completely horrible. I knew that I shouldn't feel bad, the desire to serve was there. I didn't choose to be sick for a month. But I still was quite thoroughly miserable.

And I'm embarrassed to say it, but I also was frustrated, because even though I haven't helped with the big events, I have done individual acts of service for friends. I have helped those who are struggling. But they weren't the types of things that anyone else would know about. Inside of me was this voice saying "I helped too! I promise I did!" like I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't as pathetic as I felt. No one in the choir was probably even aware that I hadn't helped with anything, but I still felt extremely self-conscious about it. Which I know is stupid, but there you go.

But let me tell you something, tonight during our dress rehearsal as we sang "What Shall We Give?" I felt something different. I didn't feel guilt. I didn't feel indignation. I felt so loved.

This year I've received more service than any other time in my life except maybe for the many times that I was sick on my mission.

I've had people come over just to sit with me while I cry. I've had roommates play with my hair to help me fall asleep. I even had my choir director come over a few days after my ex was arrested, in jeans in a sweatshirt (if that wasn't a completely surreal moment, I don't know what is) and sit on my couch and play with my hair and just talked to me. I've had countless blessings. I've had people bring me treats, meals, bouquets of flowers, cards, the works. I've had people talk to me on the phone in the middle of the night because I was really struggling and just needed someone to tell me a funny story, or listen while I tearfully told them what was bothering me. I've had friends take me out to eat or have me over to play games or watch a movie just to get me out of my apartment and remind me that there are people there for me. I've had people send me memes and funny videos to give me the slightest reason to smile. I've had people that I haven't talked to in ages message me to check up on me. I've had countless people praying for me and adding my name to the temple prayer roll.

One of the biggest acts of service came from one of my mission companions and the ladies from the Relief Society in my last area of my mission. They pooled money together to get me to California over my birthday and Valentine's day, which were a mere two weeks after my ex was arrested. I was able to spend those two extremely difficult days with people that I love and who love me so much. I couldn't even believe it when the one amazing sister suggested that she would pay for me to come all by herself. I was definitely glad that she ended up reaching out to the rest of the sisters in the ward as well.

A big theme that we've focused on for the campaign this year is "One Light at a Time." Helping to brighten the lives of individuals. While service projects that cater to specific groups of people have been a large part of this initiative, we have had a great focus on serving within our own apartments, families, and wards. I haven't been able to give nearly as much as I would have liked this semester, but I have been on the receiving end more times than I could ever count.

My friends have exemplified the Light of Christ in the way that they have loved and supported me this year. I have no adequate words to describe the depth of love that I have felt from SO many this year. You all help me to feel the immense love that Heavenly Father has for me.

So tonight as we sang that beautiful song, I was reminded that the fire in my own heart has been lit, re-lit, and built up every time my life has felt so dark. So many people in my life have taken the admonition to "mourn with those who mourn and comfort [me as I] stand in need of comfort."

And above all else, Christ, the Light of the World Himself, has been there for me in every single dark moment to help me along when my own light has been dim almost to the point of being extinguished.

And so I sit here writing this, simply filled with love. Lighting the World isn't just about shining so brightly that the whole world can see it. It is rather about the little, daily moments that we take to uplift those around us. Often the service that we render does not even feel like service to us, but the light that it brings into the lives of others is so real.

I would encourage everyone this Christmas season to not only seek out ways to fan others flames, but to also stand fully aware of how many people help you to brighten the light that is within you.

Ps- For anyone that reads this before the concert tomorrow, I would highly encourage you to come see the concert in person tomorrow night (Sat Dec 2) at 7:30 PM MST. And if you can't see it in person, you can tune in via live stream HERE.