It's Not the Year, It's You

*I promise I'm not trying to demotivate you, read to the end*

"I can't WAIT for 2017 to be over!"

I've thought those words to myself over and over again throughout this year. Well, not those words exactly. It was actually more along the lines of "maybe I'll just get all of the bad stuff over with in 2017, and so then 2018 will just be great!" Always said sarcastically, but somewhere inside of me I hope that it's true.

And that's dumb.

Because my life isn't going to change drastically when midnight hits tonight. My PTSD isn't going to dissipate, and I'm not going to all of a sudden have financial stability, and an amazing boyfriend, and a kitten. Unfortunately, that's not how that works.

I think that we all kind of get into the hype of the new year. You know, "Everything is going to be different in 2018! Things are going to work out! I'm going to work out! And I'm going to be more disciplined in my studies, and work harder at my job, and spend more time with my family, and, and, and..."

But the thing is, January 1st isn't all of a sudden going to feel different to you. It's just going to be another day of the week. And if you didn't start changing things on the 31st of December, why is everything all of a sudden going to be so different now?

It's like on your birthday when people ask you "Do you feel older?" No. I don't. (Except for when I turned 23. All of a sudden I was closer to 25 than 20 and I became "middle-aged" for a college student). And I don't feel wiser or more likely to make better life decisions than I did 24 hours ago either. Because on February 8, 2018, my life isn't all of a sudden going to change because I'll be 24. And on January 1, 2018, my life isn't all of a sudden going to change either.

Because it isn't the year that makes me sad and it isn't the year that makes me unmotivated. It's me. It's depression. It's trauma. It's my life. And a few hours difference between Dec. 31st and Jan. 1st isn't going to change that.

We need to stop being so caught up in how different our lives are going to be in 2018 than they were in 2017. Because you know what? January 2018 is going to feel an awful lot like December 2017. Setting goals is great, but setting a huge goal that you give up on immediately because, "Oh well, I guess I blew it for this year. Maybe next year!" isn't going to get you anywhere. Just like it didn't last year.

Because you're going to fail. And if you give up after one fail, you're not going to get anywhere. You're going to fail a lot before you succeed. (See this blog post for more on that). That's kind of how that works. So your goal shouldn't be about the year, it should be about you. Bettering your life and yourself. Making the world a better place for those around you. Whether 2018 is good for you or not depends on whether you rest your goals and your life on 2018, or if you rest it on your own shoulders. And whether you pray about those goals so that Christ takes that weight onto His shoulders as well.

The thing is, there is a lot to be learned from every single year of your life.

I taught a Sunday School lesson our last Sunday before Christmas break and we talked about this. I asked my students to do something hard. I asked them to pull out a phone or notebook or some sort of object on which to take notes. And then I asked them to write down the single worst thing that happened to them all year. Cheery lesson, no?

And then I told them about the worst thing that happened to me this year. And I told them about how hard it's been. But I told them that I have learned SO much from that singular event. The lessons were painfully earned, but have been very valuable to me. And I've been able to take the things that I've learned and start figuring out how to use them. I've found my passion and am in the process of changing what I thought that I was going to do with my life as a result. This blog that you're reading is one of the most prominent uses of all that I've learned this year. But it's not the only way that I've applied the lessons learned.

So I asked my class to then take a few minutes to write down all that they learned from the trial. Or all that they could learn, if they hadn't quite gotten to the point of recognizing the good that comes from the bad. (D&C 58:4 and 1 Nephi 20:10 are helpful scriptures for this.)

My 2017 is best described by one of my all time favorite talks:

Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously.

So basically it's been a real sucky year.

But it's also been one of the best years of my life in SO many ways.

I am extremely grateful for all that I've learned and the ways that I've grown. Yes I'm still struggling, and yes, I wouldn't necessarily complain if 2018 magically decides that this is the year that everything works out in my life, but it's okay if it doesn't. Things are still going to suck for a while, but I've dealt with it this long, so I'm sure that I can deal with it for a little bit longer.

Because if things do change, it will be because I took teeny-tiny steps to change them. I'm filing some goals away in my brain that I'll be working towards; get a job, become more self-sufficient, be able to take more than a few credits at a time, stop being terrified of dating, get on a better sleep schedule, etc. But none of those things will happen if I place them on 2018. I have to face up to them myself. I have to start by setting much smaller goals, like turning in a resume, working on focusing on anything for more than 10 minutes without distraction (my blog and Oathbringer are the only things that I can really focus on for any decent amount of time at the moment), going on dates (*shudders*), and consistently getting to bed before 3 AM before trying to just jump to going to bed at 11:30.

And honestly, these are goals that I've been trying to work on all throughout this year already.

And while 2017 has been super rough, I can't blame the calendar for my lack of progress. And I can't expect 2018 to surge motivation into me either. I need to have the same caliber of motivation (or more realistically, determination) every single day that everyone seems to have at the very end of each year.

Every year is going to be hard to some extent. But that doesn't mean that you should just label a year "a bad year" and simply pop a squat and twiddle your thumbs while you wait for the next January 1st to come around. Because that is not doing yourself any favors. (And I don't know what squats did to deserve to be popped).

So I'm going to give you some questions to think about:

1. Who do you want to be in 2018? What is holding you back from being that person?

2. Where do you want to be by the end of 2018? What is holding you back from being there now?

3. Why are these things important to you? Are they important enough to motivate change?

4. What are you going to do about it? What little things are you going to do every day to get to
     where you want to be?

5. Are the things that you just listed realistic? Are they too big? Will you get overwhelmed? Are they
     too small? Will you end up pushing them off?

6. What are some universal things that will help with any goal?

I'm going to give you some answers for that last question.

Here are some simple, fail-safe things that you can start doing now that will help you to achieve absolutely anything:

-Study your scriptures daily. Quality over quantity. If you only get a couple of verses in, think   about why those verses were important enough to include in the scriptures. Pray before you   study and ask Heavenly Father to help you to understand something that you need to right now.
-Pray constantly. Not just at night and in the morning. Pray before you try to take one of the steps       that will lead you to your goal. Pray in those moments where motivation is nowhere to be found   and you're feeling discouraged. He'll be there listening.
-Set goals and make plans. Setting goals is great! But if you don't make plans, you're not going to   reach them. Figure out what little things you can start doing that will help you to get closer to your   goals.
-Be realistic with your goal setting.  Don't set yourself up to fail. Set realistic expectations for yourself. Make viable plans that won't be too overwhelming to add to your daily schedule. Realize that you're going to fail at times and that that's okay. Nothing worth doing is done perfectly the first time.
-Don't try to work on too many goals all at once. Maybe this year you want to lose weight, get up   earlier, swear less, become a better cook, use social media less, and have more meaningful studies.   Awesome! But if you try to improve in all of those things simultaneously, it's going to be way   overwhelming and you'll more than likely end up not doing any of it in the end. Pick a couple of   goals at a time and really focus on those until they start to become second nature. Then- and only   then -should you add the steps to another goal to your daily routine.
-Remember that every little success is just that, a success. No matter how inane. Read this right   after you finish reading my post. I'm dead serious. It will help you get into the right mindset as you begin working on   your goals.
-Be accountable to someone. Have someone on your team to help you to remember all that you are   trying to do as well as to give you an extra little bit of motivation to do it. You can also recommit to   your goals each morning as you pray and then give an account to Heavenly Father at the end of each   day.
-Make sure that your goals are helping you to be who God needs you to be. Becoming what Heavenly Father wants you to become will bring you greater joy than you could ever imagine. The "becoming" process is rarely (if ever) easy, but it is definitely worth it. I really believe that. The most   meaningful things in my life right now are a direct result of the worst/hardest things that I've ever   gone through.
-Trust that Heavenly Father really will be there every single step of the way as you seek to do   good. Heavenly Father can give you strength to help you take every one of those steps. Sometimes   it's the smallest steps that are hardest to take. The ones that seem insignificant. But He knows that   every little bit of effort is crucial to success, He knows how hard that effort can be to give, and He   loves you enough to take every step seriously. I love Doctrine and Covenants 84:76-88 where it  talks all about how the Lord's servants will be strengthened and taken care of as they go out to do His will. It's focused more specifically on missionary work, but I really believe that these verses apply to every single person that is seeking to do good in any way, both for themselves and others.

Verse 88 is one of my favorites:

And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.

Look, I get it. Achieving goals can seem impossibly difficult at times. And it's easy to get so frustrated at yourself as you stumble over and over again on the simplest little things. But keep going. Nothing is ever going to change if you don't.

So start small. Start today. Don't give up. Keep trying. And TRUST GOD.

Because really, it's not the change of the year that is important. It's the change in you.

Ps- I wanted to share some pictures that I've found recently that resonated with me as I've had this post on my mind.

Like I said, every single teensy bit of effort can drastically change your life. Whether your future changes or not is on you. Take that seriously. And remember that you're not in this alone. You have friends and family and you have God. 

You've got this.