You've Got to Be Kidding

Okay, so I wrote the majority of this post a while ago, but I decided to wait to post it until International Men's Day.

I came across an article one night that sounded interesting, so I read through it. It was called I Thought My Engagement Ring Would Act as a Shield Against Men. Nope. Long title, I know. But intriguing.

As I read through it, I found myself agreeing with much of what she said. BUT. There was one major issue that I had with the article; how she portrayed marriage.

Here are some of the things that she said:

I'm not going to lie, reading those things got my blood boiling a little bit. I was dumbfounded and found myself saying "You've got to be kidding me!" How can she be so negative about something so wonderful? How can she write about being so disgusted with all of the creepers out there but then follow that up with a show of such disdain for the act of willfully committing yourself to an actual GOOD man? The following is everything that I furiously wrote after I read the article:

I'm married because I WANT to be. Because I found someone that loves me more than anyone else and wants to build a life WITH me. He wants to help me to become everything that I ever wanted and more. And he looks to me to help and support him in his goals as well. He does EVERYTHING for me and asks for little in return. I'm not his slave. I'm not his property. I'm his partner. His companion. His WIFE. Marriage does not equal bondage, or giving in to the patriarchy, or whatever other crap people say these days. It can be if that's the kind of man that you marry. But if you marry a good man, I promise you that he's not thinking of you as property. That's what slave owners think. And, last I checked, my husband is not that.

I get that a long time ago, marriage was more of a business proposition than a union of two people that love each other. And I get that in some places, this is still true. However, I'm pretty sure the author of that article chose to get engaged. I'm pretty sure that she loves her fiance and decided to marry him. So why is she treating it like she's bracing herself for torture? She seems to take the old phrase "ball and chain" a bit too literally.

Stop dreading marriage. Stop looking at it as submission.

Was your marriage arranged? Is your fiance forcing you into a life of servitude? No? Then why aren't you celebrating the end of the stupid dating game? The end of wondering if things are going to work out with this one? The end of feeling like no one will ever truly love you?

Getting married isn't limiting yourself to one man. It's committing yourself to the one man who would do anything for you! It's telling yourself that you're done with crappy relationships. You've found a good one and heck yeah you're going to hang on to him!

Holy moly people! Ball and chain? You've got to be kidding me!

My husband is the one who lifts me up, strengthens me, encourages me, serves me, LOVES me the most! I'm not married because anyone forced me to give in to anything or give away my freedom, but because I absolutely WANT to be with the man that makes me ridiculously happy! My husband doesn't lord over me or control who I am. He supports and encourages me to be my own person and become the person that I want to be.

Why would I WANT to give myself to anyone else? Because I do give. I give myself to my husband in every way possible. But guess what? He gives himself to me every single day in a million different ways. I don't belong to my husband. I'm not an object. I made a commitment to love and cherish him forever. And he did the same. Neither of us belongs to the other. We belong WITH each other!

I didn't give away my agency by getting married. I used my agency to choose a man that I feel will take my love and cherish it. It was my choice to get married and it is my choice to stay committed.

I didn't submit myself to a life of isolation. I didn't give up my right to have friends. I didn't lose my agency. I choose every single day to devote myself to my husband, just as he devotes himself to me. I choose to live my life with the person that is willingly investing himself in my health, happiness, and well-being.

I still have my own things that I like to do. My own friends, my own likes and dislikes, my own life. I still have everything good about my life before marriage. But now I also have a live in best friend, cheerleader, Log Horizon watching buddy, Ramen chef, shoulder-to-cry-on, and snuggle buddy that enhances my ability to be truly happy and feel safe and secure.

I didn't give anything away. I replaced it with something better.

Am I yoked? Yes.

To servitude? No.

To my husband? Absolutely.

But only because I choose to be and because he chooses to be equally yoked with me.

There is something woefully missing from society's view of marriage. The part where the man is just as much yoked to the woman. The part where the man is choosing to commit himself to one woman just as much as the woman commits herself to one man. The part where marriage- when done the right way -is the opposite of isolated servitude. Rather it's the choice to be free to be the best you without caring about what other people think. Because you always have someone who thinks that you are amazing and will back you in every positive change in your life.

By getting married to a good man of my own choosing, I chose to commit myself to love and- yes -serve one man for the rest of my life. But only because he chose to do the EXACT. SAME. THING. for me.

So excuse me from your pity party. If that's how you view marriage, then I'm not quite sure why you're doing it. I did it because I wanted to. Because I chose to. Because my husband is my absolute biggest supporter. Because he serves me in more ways than anyone else. Because he loves me the right way every day and I sure as heck am totally fine with him continuing to do so every single day for the rest of eternity. And I choose to do the same for him.

PS- Could you do me a quick favor and message me letting me know that you read this? I think that Blogger's stats might be off, so I want to see if more people tell me that they've read it than Blogger is telling me. Thanks!!!