Don't Wait

I can think of 5 people off the top of my head that I personally know that have attempted to commit suicide and failed.

I also know two who succeeded.

I know A LOT of porn addicts. I know many who are actively fighting their addictions.

I also know one who ended up in jail.

What I want to talk about here is really important to me. It's one of the biggest reasons that this blog exists.

My friends that attempted suicide didn't get professional help until AFTER the attempt. They got second chances and received the help that they needed because they tried to end they're lives. The other two didn't get that chance.

My ex didn't get professional help for his addiction until AFTER he was arrested. He's getting a second chance, yes, but the road that he's on now will be that much more difficult with a convicted felony on his record.

So this is the message that I need to get out there.

Don't wait.

I know that asking for help is hard (to completely understate it), and I know that you're afraid of what your friends and family will think if you tell them that you're depressed or addicted. I know that during those times, Satan is telling you that you're worthless and that you would only be imposing on your loved ones. Or that they'd be better off without you in their lives. Or that you should be stronger. You should be able to deal with it. Everyone else seems to be handling themselves just fine, so you shouldn't get help either.

With depression, I know that it can be difficult to get out of bed, let alone go on a search for not only a therapist, but one that will meet your needs and match your personality. I know that you are probably struggling to feel loved and to not feel so alone.

With addiction, I know that temptation and relapse can make you feel weak and hopeless. I know that your self-esteem is in the garbage.

Now let me talk to both of you. And really anyone that is struggling with ANYTHING.

I know that you are afraid of what people will think of you. You don't want people to think that you're weak, or broken, or that you can't take care of yourself. You may be afraid that your parents will be angry or disappointed in you. Or that people will start to treat you differently. And honestly, you might be right.

BUT.

Not everyone will. And most of them would rather be "burdened" with your problem now than be happily oblivious until you're in a mental hospital or jail because you didn't tell anyone and then it was too late. How much more pain do you think that they'd be in then? Do you realize that they'll beat themselves up over and over again for not recognizing that you were struggling? Do you know that they will wish that they had known so that they could have been more understanding?

I have had so many moments over the last two years where I have felt that fear over opening up over something. First it was opening up about my ex's arrest. Then it was opening up about just how much I was struggling. Then it was opening up about the abuse that preceded the arrest. Then it was opening up about dealing with PTSD. Most recently it was opening up about my chronic illnesses as well as opening up about the fact that I'm STILL struggling two years later, despite having been surrounded by amazing friends and now being happily married.

I have felt that apprehension over and over again and I've still opened up every single time. And do you want to know why I do that? I put myself through this so that you- you individually, whoever you may be -know that you're not alone. So that you know that there is at least one person in this world that you can turn to. Me.

And you have. So many of you have. And the ones that have have surprised me. You've generally been people that I don't know well. But my blog gave you the courage to reach out to at least one person. And I am so honored that that person was me.

I am so grateful every single time that someone reaches out to me for advice or comfort. Do you want to know why?

You reaching out to me shows me that facing those moments of fear were worth it. You also show me that you don't think of me as weak and broken. You know my story. You know my struggles and my fears. But you don't treat me like I'm a burden on you or like I'm fragile.

On the contrary, in reaching out to me for help, you are telling me that I have worthwhile things to say. You are telling me that despite my struggles, you truly believe that I am capable of helping you with yours.

I've gotta tell you, you are the ones that make this blog worth it. Because if I can help someone to open up and encourage them to get the help that they need before it's too late, then my blog is doing it's job.

And honestly? It's been getting harder and harder for me to open up. Each post that I publish gets less and less views. I start to wonder if I'm really making a difference anymore. But I know that I have to keep writing. Just in case. Just in case you need me. Just in case something that I have yet to say needs to be heard.

I need you to know how important you are. Not only to me who hardly knows you, but to your friends and family, and more especially to God. If I can feel SO much love for you when you reach out, then I cannot even begin to fathom how deeply your Heavenly Father must love you.

Because He loves you WAY more than I do. He loves you regardless of if you can feel it or not. Regardless of if you feel that you deserve His love or not.

And trust me, you ALWAYS deserve to be loved. I don't care who you are or what you've done, or maybe what you haven't done that you feel that you should have. You deserve to be loved. And you are. You are by me and you are by God. And if we love you, then it's a pretty safe bet that others do as well.

Don't ever think that your life isn't a positive influence on someone. Or that it would be more positive than negative if you simply disappeared. No life is so worthless that the end of it would bring more joy to it's loved ones than sorrow.

I understand that reaching out for help is hard. I really, truly do. But I also know that it is 100% worth it.

Don't wait. Don't wait to reach out and open up. Don't wait until you're institutionalized. Don't wait until you're arrested. Don't wait until the point of no return.

Don't wait until you are so depressed that you turn to self-harm. Or until the self-harm becomes a suicide.

Don't wait to get help until after the struggle becomes an addiction. Or until the addiction becomes a crime.

The saying goes that "good things come to those that wait."

This is not one of those times.

I can't say that the response to your opening up will always yield the love and support that you need. I can't say that you won't get bad responses from some people. But I can promise that the people who respond badly aren't the only people out there. There are people who want to help you. I can promise you that because I know of at least three. Me, my husband, and the Lord.

If reaching out is still too scary or seems too hopeless, start with those three and go from there.

Don't wait until I hear that you've been arrested, have self-harmed, become addicted, or committed suicide. I don't want to hear that news. But if you have passed those points, don't wait for things to get worse. I'd rather hear from you that you considered- or even attempted -suicide than hear from your loved ones that that you followed through with it and succeeded.

And to EVERYONE reading this, pay attention to your friends. Two of my friends that attempted suicide and ended up in rehab disappeared from school for a while. Guess who was the only person to check up on them?

I was one of the first people to know when my one friend got home from rehab. We were maybe 14. My mom drove me straight to her house and I hung out with her. I didn't treat her like she was fragile and about to explode. I treated her normally. She went on to graduate high school and marry her high school sweetheart.

My other friend sent an email to a bunch of her friends simply stating "I love you. Know that."

That alone worried me. But when she missed school for the next few days, I called her mom. She told me what had happened and that my friend was in rehab. I called frequently to check in on her mom and ask how she and her daughter were doing. When my friend came back to school, she told me that I was the only person that had called to see what had happened to her. She sent that email to some of her very best friends. But I'm the one that paid attention.

I'm not close with her anymore, but I do know that she is alive. I hope that she is doing well.

I proved to my friends that someone cares. I showed them that it's possible for someone to know your secret struggles and still treat you like a person.

Pay attention to the people around you. I know that you have friends or family members who are fighting secret battles. They may be losing. Don't let them fight alone. Don't let them feel like they have to.

Let me make something very clear though, if someone that you care about commits suicide or a felony or whatever the case may be, know that it is not your fault. Don't waste time blaming yourself; feeling bad that you didn't notice that that person was struggling. Don't wonder if you could have prevented it if only you had _____. Instead, commit to do your best to be observant. Keeping in mind that things may still go wrong even so.

And sometimes, even if you do keep a close eye, even if you do reach out to those around you, even if you do everything that you can to help someone, they might still commit suicide, or continue walking down a dangerous path. I did everything that I possibly, possibly could to help my ex to recover after we broke things off the first time. And yet I still got that knock on my door with the bad news that my ex had confessed.

So please understand, I don't want you to read this post and start blaming yourself for everything that has gone wrong in the lives of your loved ones. I am rather asking that you try to pay attention to those around you, because I can guarantee that there is at least one person in your circle of influence that is seriously struggling with something.

So pay attention, be kind to everyone, give people the benefit of the doubt, assume that people are trying their best with what they've got. Whether they are or not doesn't matter to you.

And if someone comes to you and opens up to you about their battle, remember that who they are didn't change all of a sudden. They are still the person that you love. The only thing that's different is that you know how strong they've been all this time as they have fought hidden battles and still been the awesome person that you care about.

If you think that someone you know may be struggling, don't wait. Don't wait until it's too late to help them. Let them know that you're there. Live in such a way that those around you know that they can turn to you if they are struggling.

This blog was never about me. It's about you. It is literally about me and my life and my experiences. But that's not why I started it and that's not why I keep writing. I write for you.

So whoever you are, whatever you are struggling with, do me a favor and DON'T WAIT.