We're All Just People Part Two

A few weeks ago I was at a red light when I saw the car in front of me rear end the car in front of it. Just barely. The car immediately stopped and parked, as did the car in front of it. I wondered what was going to happen. It was hardly a bump, but I’ve seen people completely freak out over things like that. Out of the front car came a young woman. She was wearing some sort of head scarf and looked to be Indian or Arab. Out of the second car came a black woman maybe in her forties. I don’t know what they said, but I did notice that there didn’t seem to be any contention. They talked for a minute or two and then got back in their cars and kept driving.

Last night I was driving by myself around midnight and it was raining slightly. I saw a car on the side of the road with its flashers going. Now let me tell you, every time I see a car on the side of the road like that, I immediately have two thoughts; I want to help, and what if they’re a rapist? I always, always want to stop, but I rarely do because I’m a young woman with little body strength. But last night I stopped. When I got to the car, it was empty, but the door was wide open. I peeked inside from as far away as I could, and then turned back to my car. There were two black men walking towards me on either side of my car. I calmly kept walking towards my car and when I got close enough, I asked if the other car was theirs. It was. Long story short, there was nothing that I could really do to help, but they thanked me for stopping. Then we both went back to our respective cars and I kept driving.

Both of these examples could have gone south very easily. Not because someone was Arab or black or white, but because there are angry people out there and there are sketchy people out there. What's interesting to me, though, is that I never would have known the ethnicity of the drivers of the cars around me if they hadn’t had to stop for some reason.

I’ve had this idea swirling around in my head for a few months now. I’m not quite sure where it came from, but it’s been there.

I hadn't planned on writing another "We're All Just People" post, but the thought kept coming back, so here we go.

This is the basic idea:

There are so many people with a multitude of different prejudices. People who won’t associate with people with different religions, skin color, political views, etc. And yet they trust them.

Let me explain.

When you are driving your car, you don’t know what kind of people are in the cars around you. You have no idea if the drivers are black, white, Muslim, gay, Democrats, Pro-Choice, transgender, Catholic, or atheist. But you trust them not to swerve into oncoming traffic. You are logically cautious, but you ultimately have to trust everyone else on the road if you're going to convince yourself to drive.

That thought has really stuck with me.

Because you can’t pick and choose who you are on the road with. You can’t only drive on roads with people that you agree with. You drive with anyone and everyone that's on the road with you. And you inherently trust them. Not to say that you aren’t wary of the cars around you. Of course you’re keeping an eye out for a car that’s weaving or cutting you off. You understand that driving can be dangerous. But it’s also an everyday part of life, so you aren’t really necessarily afraid every time you hit the road.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we treated all social interactions like we treat driving? Trusting other people to do the right thing? To do their best to be safe?

However, on the other hand, I also really hate the way that people treat driving as well. Again, let me explain.

Have you ever accidentally cut someone off? Or driven onto the rumble strip because you were distracted or tired? Well then, someone has probably cussed you out from the car behind you at some point. Not because you're drunk or even a really bad driver necessarily. No, it's because you're a human being and that means that you're not perfect.

Wouldn't it be nice if the person flipping you off instead thought of you as a person that could have any number of things going on in your life?

Here’s another real-life example:

A few weeks ago I was driving. I don’t remember where to or what the circumstances were, but I do remember the drive.

Let me explain something really quickly to you first though.

I’m not a great driver. I’ll openly admit it.

Here’s why:

Instead of the three paragraphs that were originally here, let me just say that because of various circumstances, I didn't get my license until I was 19. I've never had my own car, so I didn't drive many places after I got my license either. Then I was in a no-car mission. Then out at school, still with no car. All in all, I really haven’t driven very much in the past 5-6 years that I've had my license, so I still have a lot to learn about driving.

Okay, now that you understand why I’m not the best driver, let me get back to my story.

I popped two curbs while turning at different points in this trip.

Strike one.

I accidentally cut someone off because I didn’t see them in the rear-view mirror. I looked. I double-checked. I signaled and moved over. But when I got over, there was a car RIGHT THERE honking at me.

I was shaken from almost hitting someone and then being honked at (understandably because it was a safety concern), so I didn’t turn my turn signal off right away.

Strike two and two and a half.

I missed a bunch of turns and exits.

Steeee-rike three.

Now here’s the thing. I get flustered REALLY easily when I drive because I know that I’m not the greatest at driving. I try to be careful and do everything right, but I mess up. A lot. And because I have anxiety now, being flustered can very quickly turn into panicking.

I was flustered when I popped the first curb. I was border-line panicking for the rest, which made me even more prone to making mistakes. Luckily no one was hurt during the duration of this drive.

The point of me sharing this highly embarrassing driving story is that you never know what people are going through.

I’ve driven with people that get major road rage. That immediately start bad mouthing other drivers. And it makes me shrink inside. Because I know that a lot of the time when I drive, I’m probably the one that people are bad mouthing.

And yeah, sometimes it’s obvious that someone really is being a jerk or super reckless. But most of the time, the judgements and name calling is based off a singular event.

Whoever I cut off may have thought that I was being a major butthole. Someone who saw me pop a curb or turn around, yet again, because I was clearly lost may have thought that I was drunk or high. But I’m not and I wasn’t.

I’m just a person, doing my best to drive safely, just like most everyone else on the road.

In general, we’re all okay with each other when we’re driving. We subconsciously trust each other to a certain degree. We don’t give a ton of thought to the cars around us. We don’t appreciate when someone signals properly or goes the speed limit. But then we definitely get upset when someone doesn’t. And for some reason the anger is so immediate and so explosive.

I wish that people really lived the idea of giving people the benefit of the doubt. Rather than exploding with expletives, remember that the person driving the other car is a human being, just like you.

Maybe they’re driving a bit obnoxiously quickly because their wife is in labor. Or too slow because their fragile grandmother is in the back of the car. Maybe they honestly didn’t see you before cutting you off. Maybe they’re trying not to have a panic attack before they can find a safe place to stop. Maybe they are still learning all of the ins and outs of driving, but have their license, so can’t have the nice “Student Driver” magnet on the back of the car anymore.

Wouldn’t it be nice if, when we got in our cars and started driving, we didn’t just trust that the cars around us won’t hit us, but also that the person in the driver’s seat is doing their best to be a good driver?

And wouldn’t it be nice if we thought of people in every situation the way that we think of people when we drive? Not looking at everything that makes them different that we don’t like or agree with, but simply seeing them as another car on the road, just trying to reach their destination safely?

If we can trust any single person on the road not to just swerve into traffic and crash into everyone, can’t we trust any single person outside of a car to be a decent human being?

At the end of the day, when we all drive home and get out of our cars, we’re all just people doing the best with what we’ve got. People with dreams, families, weaknesses, and trials. People who aren’t just one thing, but many. Not just Muslim. But a daughter, friend, and nurse. Not just gay. But a son, employee, and animal rights activist. Not just white. But a wife, bookworm, and survivor.

When you drive, the people around you are just people.

When you're parked, the people around you are still just people.

We are ALL just people.