Until You're Not

I went to a baseball game with a good friend of mine last night. Our team had 0 runs and the opposing team had 1 and we were probably in the 5th or 6th inning. One of our players went up to bat and we were hoping for the game to start turning around.

But then my friend (who is a very logical, analytical type) looked at the player's stats.

Not so good. So I just said "maybe tonight is his night!" and my friend replied that statistically, it wasn't likely. I just told him that "You're bad until you're good!"

That little exchange really got me thinking.

Statistics say an awful lot and definitely should be paid attention to, but they don't have to determine everything. After sitting quietly for a while, I leaned over to my friend and said that "I hope that statistics don't dictate everything, because 100% of my engagements have ended in felony."

Man oh man, I literally prayed that that player would get a hit, even if he didn't make it all the way home. Please just get him to first base.

Out.

Another player goes up and he also has had no hits in his baseball career (I'm assuming that they're both rookies). This time my friend says "well, maybe tonight is his night."

Guess who got his first hit?

Boo. Yah.

I've been thinking about what I said to my friend, "You're bad until you're good!" and I've decided that that statement has SO many applications.

Now if you know me, you know that I'm nothing if not persistent. I don't give up easily. If something isn't going well, I just find a different way to tackle it. I work harder. I work smarter. Knock me down and I'll get back up again!

Because of this, I really struggle when I talk to friends who find excuses for everything. I don't freaking care if you've always failed before! You haven't really failed until you quit. You are going to fail until you succeed. You're going to lose until you win. You are going to be bad at xyz until you're not anymore.

But that doesn't just happen. It takes hard work, patience, perseverance, etc.

Thomas Edison is a perfect example of this. Of the process of inventing the light bulb he said:

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

Edison knows what's up.

He failed to invent the light bulb until he didn't.

Life is hard and setbacks are plenteous but they're only final if you decide that they are. What seem to be walls can become stumbling blocks if you simply decide that they are. If you decide that nothing is going to stop you and figure out how to climb over it.

People certainly are more inclined to some things than others. For example, I'm directionally, artistically, and athletically challenged. But I'm pretty good at singing.

But here's the thing. If I decided that I wanted to, I absolutely could become better with directions, decent at drawing, and proficient in a sport. I might not ever be professional, but I could definitely be a lot farther along than I am. But I have chosen to focus my energy on doing other things instead. I've chosen to leave my walls where they are, at least for now, so that I can focus on climbing over some other ones instead.

And you know what? I'm only good at singing because I worked hard to become so.

If you ask my mom, she'll tell you that I was NOT a very good singer when I was little (despite what I thought. I thought that I was fantastic!) I asked my mom quite a few times if I could start taking voice lessons and she always said no. But that didn't stop me from practicing on my own!

I remember sitting in our living room in Maryland when I was maybe 11 and skipping to the scene with "Think of Me" on the Phantom of the Opera DVD so that I could sing along with Christine. (My mom finally got me the soundtrack so I could listen to it in my room ;) )

I practiced other songs as well and one day made my mom listen to me again, and again begged her to let me start voice lessons. She finally caved. Over a decade later, I'm not professional by any means, but I have been known to give people goosebumps and make them cry (in a good way, I promise).

I was a bad singer until I wasn't.

I think that you get the point, but I want to add in one last application.

You're broken until you're better. You feel weak until you don't.

The healing process in any capacity is long, slow, and frustrating beyond belief. Whether it be healing from a sickness or injury, healing from sin, healing from heartbreak/tragedy- it's going to be hard. You are going to feel like you'll never be fully whole again. You will feel weak and helpless and like the pain will never, ever end.

And it's going to be hard until it's not, and you're going to be broken until you're not, and you're going to be weak until you're not, and you're going to be hurting until you're not.

And that sucks but it's true. But there will be an "Until you're not" moment. But only if you keep pushing forward.

I'm at a spot in my life where progress seems slow and walls seem to crop up out of nowhere in an endless line in front of me and that is discouraging. I'm not going to lie.

But I'm also not lying when I say that I'm still going and that I'm going to KEEP going.

Things that I didn't give a second thought to before are suddenly really difficult for me because of my PTSD. I'm not used to being knocked down by some of these things because they weren't really issues before. But now they are and that's extremely frustrating.

I had a major anxiety attack last night over something that never really bothered me before. It was completely awful, especially because I thought that I was past that caliber of anxiety at this point but apparently I am not.

But I'll tell you, even though this is all driving me crazy and I get frustrated and anxious and sad, I will not give up. I know that these things are going to suck until they don't. But they're not going to stop sucking if I stop picking back up.

And the same goes for you.

So keep trying, keep working, keep thinking, and strategizing, and believing that this isn't it. This isn't forever. This is NOT the end! You won't suck at that sport, subject, instrument, etc. forever if you don't give up! You won't feel broken down and weary forever if you don't quit on yourself and your God.

You see, Jesus Christ suffered the Atonement so that no weakness, mistake, or ailment need be permanent. He has given us the power to improve as long as we keep striving for that "until you're not" moment.

So if you feel like it's worth working towards, keep at it. Don't quit. You may need to take a break or slow your pace, but do not stop. Because if you do, you will not reach that moment.

You can't do it until you can. You are bad until you're good. You are broken until you are not. And that's just going to have to be enough for right now.