Well hello there! Welcome to my blog.
As you can tell by the first 7 words, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I've felt for a while like I should maybe start a blog, and the events of this year have made me decide to finally do it. Mostly because my Facebook posts are getting progressively longer and I'm awful at journaling, so this way I can keep all of my stupid long posts in one place and pretend that I'm journaling. But the only reason I'm doing that in blog form instead of just copying and pasting all of my posts into a word document is because I'm hoping that something that I say will help someone.
Before I get into the "events of this year"- which you will definitely hear about because they have had an enormous impact on my life -I'm going to continue with my awkward introduction and tell you a bit about myself.
At this point in time, June 15, 2017, I am 23 years old. I was born in Maryland, lived a good chunk of my life there before moving to Pennsylvania when I was 12, and have lived in 5 different states in the past 5 years since I graduated high school. I don't have a specific accent, but if you know me and are reading this blog, you are probably reading most of it in my voice because I write the way that I talk (for the most part).
I am currently living in Rexburg, ID as a student at Brigham Young University Idaho. I am studying Recreational Therapy. I hope to someday help people who struggle with depression, suicidal tendencies, addiction, and/or PTSD. I have personally experienced the effects of two and SEEN the effects of all. I can think of four friends off the top of my head who have tried (and luckily failed) to commit suicide, and one who succeeded. I have loved ones that struggle with addiction. I personally suffer from depression and now PTSD as well.
I guess this leads us to the why of my blog. You see, I want to help people. I want to help people before they try to commit suicide, before they are addicted, before trauma occurs. And you know what? That's hard. It's hard because we as a society don't talk about our problems. We live in a world of false lives. Of social media that only shows the good times, or what appear to be good times at least. Where the only people who do talk about their problems are the whiny, attention-seeking people that annoys everyone, but still receive the notice that they're aiming for. No one wants to be that person, so no one that isn't already that person wants to show anything but sunshine and rainbows on their feed.
We're taught to buck it up, be a man, deal with it. We're taught that asking for help is a weakness. That asking for help only burdens those whom we ask and makes us look pathetic in the process. People tell you that they are there for you and to let them know if there is anything that they can do for you. But we don't. And you know what? That is what is weak. And it's plain selfish.
Now don't misunderstand me, I tend to be awful at asking for help. I just want to do it on my own. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. I like to be the one helping, not the one being helped. But wait a minute, read that again. I like to be the one helping, not the one being helped. How stupid is that?! I'm frustrated by people like me. I want to help people and gosh darnit I wish that people would actually let me there for them. I wish that people would reach out to me for help. And you know what? I'm not the only one that feels that way. When people say that they're there for me, they mean that they really do want to help and support me. They really do want me to call and ask them for help. They want the exact same things that I do. And that's the problem. No one wants to be the problem. We all want to be the solution.
If we would all stop being so freaking stubborn, everyone would get the help that they need!
My friends tried to commit suicide and THEN they received the help that they needed because the decision of getting help or not was no longer in their hands. But what if they had lived in a world where they could be open and honest about their struggles and get the help that they needed without feeling bad about it? Well, maybe they would have gotten help before they tried to end their lives.
In my life right now, I need help. All the time. And I hate it. But I'm at a point where I absolutely know that I can't do this on my own. And I have to tell myself, I'm not the only one like me. They want me to let them help. I'm depriving them of service blessings if I don't. Heavenly Father sends people in our lives for this exact reason. And on and on and on.
Not asking for help would only result in me being in even worse condition than I already am, which would consequently mean that I would have even less of a capacity to help others than I do now. If I want to help anyone, then sometimes I have to allow myself to be helped first.
And that means that I can't keep pretending that I'm fine. I have to stop letting the world see my life through rose-colored glasses. And that's what I've been doing.
And you know what? It is by doing that very thing that is so taboo that I have been able to help others even when my own tank is low.
Because you can post about your real, actual life- the good the bad and the ugly -without being a whiny attention seeker. It actually is possible. I know this because I've been doing it. And yes, I do get the comments telling me that I'm awesome and whatever, but that's not why I do it. I do it because I'm a real person that's tired of pretending. I do it because after those posts, I get personal messages on Facebook thanking me for what I said. Messages from people that tell me that my posts help keep them going through their own trials.
A good number of people have opened up to me about things that they're struggling, or have struggled, with. And do you know why? Because they know that my life isn't perfect either. No one wants to ask help from someone who seems like everything in their life is wonderful. No, we're most likely to ask help from someone that has been through a similar experience as we have. It's an amazing thing. By opening up about my life, I've created a two-way street of love and support. I have support from people who have been through similar situations as me. And other people have support from me as I deal with things that they are going through.
That is the impact that not being fake can have. We have the power to create a network of love and support. And it all starts with taking the filter off of your life. Being the real you so that others feel that they can be the real them.
Because if I saw someone post on their Facebook about their experience going through xyz that I'm going through now, then I might actually message them and ask them about their experience with it. I wouldn't do that for just some random Joe, because they probably don't know. And maybe they do, but I don't know that.
I'm being really vague about what it is exactly that I am going through, mostly because explaining would double the length of this already lengthy post.
So I think I'll wrap up now and write more about that later.
The point is, I want to help people. So this blog is going to be my best attempt to do that. I'll be writing about my own life experiences and things that I've learned from them. I'll have posts about things that I'm studying in the scriptures or insights that I've had from talks. Basically I'm going to word vomit all over you all. But I'm already doing that on Facebook, so I don't feel too bad about it ;)
If you're reading this, please know that no one is perfect. And that is okay. Everyone is their own type of imperfect, whether you can see the flaws in others or not, I promise that you are not the only one who has them. We're all a little broken. We all have our struggles, our temptations, our weaknesses, our trials. They make us who we are. So know that it's okay. You are okay and you're not okay. And that's fine. But know that things will be okay. And that's what matters.
PS- If you're wondering what's with the stars. They're my favorite. I LOVE the sky. And to quote the song "Stone's Throw" by The National Parks: "Do you ever think, do you ever think about the stars? To see them clear, you have to step into the dark." Further proof that good can come from the darkest of times.
(When I originally made this blog, it had a starry background. That's what that is referring to. As of today, December 28, 2017, it no longer looks like that. As much as I absolutely love stars, it makes for a very dark blog, which is kind of stressful to look at. So there you go.)
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