Pregnant at Christmas

Guys, there's something really special about being pregnant over Christmas time.

I've watched the new Christ Child Nativity video a few times now and am struck each time by the moment when Mary is sitting against the wall, beginning to go into labor. I see her discomfort and pain. I see the concern in her husband's eyes as he seeks a place for his wife to bring forth a miracle. I see her fall to the hard, dirty floor of the stable and the fear in her eyes as she contemplates the pain that she knows that she is about to endure. I see her gain strength from her husband as he reassures her that she can do this, because he has seen her be so incredibly strong already for the last nine months. I see the love in their eyes as they look at the newborn Jesus. In that moment, He isn't only the Son of God. He is their son.

I see myself.

I see my husband.

I see my son.

I think of Mary traveling miles and miles on a donkey led by Joseph. I think of the cross country trip that we just took. I struggled so much with exhaustion, nausea, and pain throughout our journey, so Jonathan had to do the vast majority of the driving. I try to imagine traveling on the back of a donkey instead of in a car and I simply can't fathom it. Every little bump in the road as we drove caused a spike of pain or nausea for me. I can only imagine the pain and discomfort that Mary must have felt through their journey. And I think of Joseph, exhausted both from walking and from worrying about his sweet pregnant wife. And then I think of Jonathan, driving hours and hours at a time and then reminding me that I was doing a good job after I drove for a single hour.

I picture the clean hospital where Liam will be born. And then I think of the stable where Christ was born. I picture the loving concern that Jonathan will have for me as I lay on a sanitized bed, preparing to go through the pain of pushing and the subsequent recovery. I can so clearly picture Jonathan reassuring me that I can do this, just as Joseph seems to tell Mary in the video. I am sure that Joseph wished that there was a better place for Mary to give birth. That he felt just a little bit helpless as he watched his young wife push, but didn't let it show.

I think of Mary and Joseph looking down at their little baby and reflecting on the incomprehensible potential that He had. As they thought of the part that He was to play in Heavenly Father's great plan. I try to understand the mixed emotions that they must have had, looking down at their fragile little baby, but knowing the great things that He would accomplish in His lifetime. I wonder if they had any idea then of the suffering that their child would endure.

I think of looking at my own little baby boy in a few months. He will not be the Savior of the World, but his potential is also great. He will also bless the lives of many. He will also suffer much. It is sometimes so hard to picture our little baby going through life, learning, growing, helping, and hurting. But other times it is only too easy to picture the joy that he will bring to us and those around him. To imagine the moments that he will light up our lives when we struggle.

Mine and Mary's situations are vastly different. But there are still many similarities. I may not have traveled by donkey, but I have suffered much through this pregnancy and move and have faced much uncertainty. I have felt much of the same sorts of pain and discomfort that she would have felt. I, too, have a husband who loves and supports me through my pregnancy.

I may not be the mother of the Son of God, but I am the mother of one of His sons.

This Christmas season as I reflect upon the birth of Christ, I can't help but continually think of my own son. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father is entrusting one of His beloved children into our care. I am humbled to have the opportunity to hold a sliver of divinity within me and to have the opportunity to help shape and guide this precious child into a righteous saint.

Liam is my son. But he is first and foremost HIS son.

Becoming a mother (though I have not yet given birth), is an incredible experience, but also a little bit scary. I feel a great sense of responsibility on my shoulders to raise my son to the light and help him to want to make good choices in his life. And so I am eternally grateful to know that I am not in this alone. That Heavenly Father is with me and that He already sent His Only Begotten down to earth to pave the way for my son. Because of the babe in the manger, my own babe has every opportunity for growth and joy available to him.

I hope that we can all remember why we celebrate this time of year. That we all remember a young mother, her devoted husband, and their precious son who was born, lived, suffered, and died for us.

Merry Christmas everyone!


PS- I saw this song on Facebook and listening to it made my pregnant, mommy-heart cry as I again related Mary and her Son to myself and mine <3

PPS- I've always loved this picture of Joseph caring for baby Jesus as Mary sleeps. Sometimes I think that we don't think about Joseph enough at this time of year. He would have suffered much through this journey as well, and he, too, had to have great faith in the Lord, just as Mary did.