Love the Mother, Love the Child

This won't get posted until tomorrow, but today is Father's Day and I've had something on my mind a lot today.

I have a super fantastic father. He's not perfect, he has his flaws, but he's a freaking amazing dad.

Not everyone is as lucky as I am though.

One thing about me being so open about my life experiences is that it has allowed many others to be open about their's with me. I am so honored each and every time someone reaches out to me in trust and tells me the hard things about their lives. But it has opened my eyes a lot to just how crappy people can be and just how often that that is the case.

My mom read this Facebook post out to me earlier from a friend's wall:

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO MEN EVERYWHERE WHO UNDERSTAND THAT FATHERHOOD STARTS WITH HOW HE TREATS THEIR MOTHER

That post hit me hard, because it is such a simple, perfect sentiment that is incredibly needed.

I have seen firsthand (and heard countless other experiences about) how terrible people can be to those that they are supposed to love most while putting on a grand show for everyone else.

A man or woman can seem perfectly wonderful to every single person in their lives except for their spouse and children. It's sickening just how common this is. Quite a few of the people closest to me have experienced this with their own father/stepfathers and/or husbands and it breaks my heart every time that I think about it.

I was extremely blessed that things ended with my ex before we got married. But I am coming to appreciate even more how blessed I am that things ended not only before we got married, but before we got married and had children.

I talked to a friend recently that is going through a horrific divorce that told me that she's having to come to grips with the fact that her daughter is almost certainly going to be molested by her father growing up and there is very little that she can do about it. The court system is failing her as it has failed so many others in these situations. So all she can do is prepare for the eventuality as best as she can and do all that she can to prepare her child and educate both herself and her child about the matter.

I've talked to another friend who won't get a divorce because she's the only thing standing between her children and their father and she isn't willing to leave her kids unprotected. In the meantime, she's being treated like dirt and she lives with the knowledge that her kids are growing up watching their father be abusive to their mother, which will shape their future expectations and relationships. Let alone the abuse that the father dishes out to the children themselves.

Once there are kids involved, you can never fully be rid of an abusive spouse, even if you get divorced.

For me, it's in my power to never see or talk to my ex ever again. But if I had had a child with him, that wouldn't be the case.

These situations, as well as many others that I have learned about throughout my life, have shown me just how important it is for a father to love the mother of his children the right way. Because no woman should ever have to choose between being free of abuse herself and the safety and well being of her child.

I am grateful for my dad for so, SO many things, but one of the biggest ones is for how he loves my mom. My mom has a lot of health issues that can make life really difficult both for her and those around her at times, but I have never, ever heard my dad complain about her, say an unkind word to her, or treat her with anything but love and respect.

This has been important my whole life, but especially now that I am struggling so much more with my own mental and physical health so much.

My dad has shown me my whole life that there are good men out there that will love you the right way not only when you're on your A-game, but also when you're at your absolute worst. He taught me through his example that I don't ever stop deserving to be treated well, no matter how sorry or broken I feel that I am.

It's largely because of my dad that I had faith that there could be someone else after my ex that was actually good to me and for me. He gave me hope. And it's paid off because I have found someone that has the same incredible eternal perspective as my dad. I have found someone that treats me with the same love and respect with which my dad treats my mom.

So thank you to all of the dads out there that do it right. We need your examples more than ever. We need your love and support when the men in our own lives fall so drastically short. You good men may be the thread that a child or broken woman is holding on to. You make more of a difference than you could possibly know. Not by doing anything that would seem like a big deal to you, but simply by being genuinely good people.

Happy Father's Day to all of you good men out there. We need you.

PS- This is a video that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints put out quite a few years ago that fits this post really well.